Saturday, February 11, 2012

Made For The Big Screen

As I woke up this morning I thought today would be like any other Saturday. Get up and go dance a little gig {zumba} and then rush off to watch my favorite little men play basketball together. It is by far the highlight of my week. Today, however was like none I have EVER experienced. 

I love watching action movies and I have so many times leaned over to my hubby only to tell him I could totally do that. The running and jumping over buildings or the breaking into cars... {Ahem} Today I proved to myself that I can't in any way, shape or form do any of that. 

I work part time and every once in awhile I have to run out on a Saturday to meet a client. Today, after my boys game and a quick Target run I jumped in my swagger wagon {do they even call them that anymore?} and headed off to my clients home. I was a tad bit nervous just due to the area I was in. As I pull up I decided to 'hide' my purse in my van. I decide I should wait a couple minute so I wasn't to early and I decide to lock my door {while I'm inside}. Clearly, someone was a little paranoid! A few minutes pass and I decide to OPEN my car door. As I start to open it nothing happens.

Remember when I said I watch movies? Immediately I think I am locked in my car. You know how the doors are locked and all of the sudden the car takes off with you not controlling it? Yep, that. So, what would any smart girl do? I put the keys in the ignition so I could start my car and unlock it. Only to set off the most God awful alarm I have ever heard. I immediately start to feel like I am stealing my own car. It wont stop. I turn the car off. I turn the car on. I lock the door. I unlock the door. I sit there. Do I get out? What if the police think I stole it? Me, handcuffs, jail.... 

I slowly start to see people peek through their blinds {did I mention I was in an apartment complex}? I call my husband in pure panic only to have him tell me to press the alarm button on my remote. I start to break out in hives as I inform him, "I kinda don't have it with me." The alarm is piercing through my ears as I hear him say I have no idea then. I guess you will have to drive home with it going off. 
WHAT?!? How is this happening? I am going to get pulled over. People have now come out of there apartments. I refuse to look up and continue to act like everything was going just as planned. 

I decide-- I have to call 911. Yes, they will be able to help me. Clearly, the piercing noise is causing me to lose brain cells quickly. Before I start to dial I decide to pull away from the apartment complex and pull into a Donatos. That way they could find me easier. Hello?! They could hear me from a mile away I don't think that will be a problem. As I am driving down the rode I can see other cars looking at me like, "Is this girl really stealing a van?" I smile and continue driving. I pull over and open my glove box to find the card of the sweet little lady who sold us this beauty. I call her and before she can even say anything, I start yelling over the alarm. "Ma'am, I need help. Can you hear me? I explain how I locked myself in my car, set off my alarm and the alarm-- this God awful alarm is about ready to make have the Big One! 

She calmly says, can I put you on hold. I am willing to bet $100 bucks she is saying, "There is some whack job on the phone who somehow set off her alarm. What do I tell her?" She gets back on the line and begins to tell me how to deactivate my alarm. Thank the Lord! 

As I write there is still ringing in my ears. If you are wondering whatever happened to my customers. Well, I drove back to the apartment parked a street down and knocked on the door and acted like the last 35 minutes of he%* had not just happened!

So friends, how was your Saturday?!


  1. Holy smokes, you poor thing!! So funny in hindsight, right?

  2. Oh Maria, I read this thru the first time and burst out laughing throughout the whole thing. Ryan wants to know whats so funny so he makes me read it aloud to him. I could not even make it thru your whole post again. I was laughing so hard as I was reading it that I couldn't breathe and had to come up for air!!! I am sure it was not funny at the time, but this is just stinkin hilarious. Ryan just shook his head and said...I can just picture Maria! :)

  3. Oh my goodness you poor thing! I couldn't help but die laughing while reading this! That is me to a T! I'm so sorry it happened but it made for a great story though!!


  4. You are cracking me up!!! At least that whole thing made for a hilarious story, and you told it well!! Glad your swagger wagon is under control now!! :)

    My bro-in-law does stunts for a living. He had to flip a car the other day. I don't know how he handles the stress!! :P


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